The Twelve Political Days of Christmas
Bloggers Note- I wrote this for Christmas 2006 and never used it. Enjoy!
In this Christmas season of peace and goodwill let us step back for a moment and good naturedly poke fun at both sides of the aisles. There’s a lot to make fun of, after all, and so we begin by skewering the Republicans with that classic Christmas song The Twelve Days of Christmas. All sing along:
On the 1st day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… A lame duck in the White House
On the 2nd day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Too many scandals
On the 3rd day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Three-Day work week pining
On the 4th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… $Four(ty) million spent on lost House seats
On the 5th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Five golden opportunities (MISSED!)*
On the 6th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Six defeated Senators
On the 7th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Seven swine’s a-porking
On the 8th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Eight maid’s a-spending
On the 9th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… 9,963 earmarks
On the 10th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Ten lords-a-squandering
On the 11th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Eleven pipers pontificating
On the 12th day of Christmas the Republicans gave to me… Twelve wasted years!
*Private Social Security accounts, border defense, immigration reform, reducing the size of government, and bigger, permanent tax cuts.
Of course, in the spirit of the season we’ve got to include the Democrats in the holiday cheer. Unfortunately, the Twelve Days of Christmas song just won’t work in their case because they didn’t give any gifts for Christmas (or “the holiday season” or whatever they would prefer to call it). Why no gifts, you ask? Well, it seems the animal rights activists obtained a court order forbidding the capture of the partridge, turtle doves, French hens, calling birds, geese, and swans. The environmentalists chained themselves to the pear tree and the five gold rings… well, there is no jewelry entitlement program (yet) so the congressman just pocked them. Don’t worry, though, you’re gold ring will be put to good use next year when it is used to fund another nearly empty superhighway in the backwoods of West Virginia. The maids were too busy a-milking the taxpayers, the ladies were (still!) dancing because of the 2006 election results (it’s been so long since they had cause to dance after all) and the lords were a-leaping for the same reason. The pipers were, of course, piping up with more negative comments about Bush and, finally, the drummers were out trying to drum up support for more Liberal programs.
On a serious note, and coming back down to earth from the unreality that lends the bit of truth to make the above moderately humorous, let us be thankful for what we have, share with those less fortunate, and pray for our servicemen and women who sacrifice time away from their family and friends to make the rest of our lives possible. Merry Christmas to all!
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